The Spinster, The Harlot and The Witch
Musings on feminism and why my favorite female authors never married…
So I just finished watching the latest film version of Little Women adapted by Greta Gerwig. I remember reading the book when I was really young (possibly one of first books I ever read that resonated) and I always identified with the Jo character, who is a tom boy and never wants to get married.
And of course, I love the Winona Ryder/Christian Bale version of the film too, so many year ago. I still remember my sister screaming and hitting pause on the VCR when Jo and Laurie have their first kiss in that movie and there is a long string of slobber (1:18 to 1:19 seconds into the clip) between Winona and Christian that clearly the editors didn’t notice, but my keen-eyed sister, Leah, spotted instantly and could not unsee. My sister now works in film so it makes sense.
Anyways back to my point. I have always wondered why so many of my literary heroes — Jane Austen, The Bronte Sisters (aside from Charlotte), Louisa May Alcott — never married. They were obviously raised in the patriarchy, they wrote about status, poverty, and marriage. They also seemed to be heterosexual (but that is another question, the patriarchy was not really having for lesbians at that time, I think the word “witch” was reserved for them and their feminist cohorts). So, having just watched Little Women, I had to wikipedia Alcott as I was curious, did she write the feminist heroine, Jo, after herself?
I’d rather be a free spinster and paddle my own canoe — Louisa May Alcott
YASSS, queen!
I discovered that Alcott, died at 55, as a free spinster (Austen died at 41 and none of the Bronte girls made it to 40, so perhaps they were all just waiting for Mr. Right, The ONE, their soulmate). Anyhow, so I just added Alcott to my list of favorite girl power authors who never married. But I still can’t help but wonder why. Was it because they were poor? Too feminist? Intimidatingly clever? Patriarchy haters? Gay? Strong independent ladies? Wayyy before their time? Too romantic? Too busy slutting it up with their gang banging luvvvers? Too picky? Dirty husband-stealing mistresses? Into BBC, not pasty English dudes? Nasty little harloottts?
I mean, come on, ladies, who wouldn’t be pining over the fantasy of the ever-angsty, red-blooded-but-penniless-bastard, Heathcliff? Or the ever-avoidant, pasty-but-gawd-damn-rich, Mr. Darcy? Am I right? And clearly Emily Bronte was a dark, twisted, emo, little kinkster pervert, if you ever thought about the relationship psychology of Wuthering Heights…
Perhaps there is already an answer written somewhere that is not traceable in the first page of Google in some Feminist Studies library textbook. But if you have the answer, please enlighten me. I’ve also wondered about the history of witches (like why 50,000 or so of those bad bad bitches were ACTUALLY burned, drowned or hung and also why were there no man-witches or mitches, seems sexist!!!), who I assume were some of the real feminist victims of the patriarchy.
That also brings me to the title of this article, made up of hilarious (and old) words used to shame single women into marriage. I mean honestly, “spinster” these days is someone who goes to Soul Cycle at least 4 times a week. “Spinster” would actually be an excellent sports clothing brand name. And don’t get me started on “Harlot.” I remember asking dad when he was reading the Bible to us after dinner what a “harlot” was. He looked up from the scriptures, with slight exasperation and said, “A harlot is a woman of ill-repute.” And I was thinking, that sounds pretty fun #goals. I wish I had another dog that I could name “Harlot”. Charlot, minus the C.
Why is/was the patriarchy so scared of single women? Was it because they were historically expensive for their families in an age when women were not allowed to have jobs (a theme addressed in Little Women)? Would an unmarried women threaten the sanctity of other’s marriage? Would a woman (if she was allowed to make her own money), just decide she had the choice to stay single and independent? I mean, I also think about how the One Child Policy in China favored men. Is it because they could make more money for the family and would be more likely to care for mom/dad in old age? WHY?
BTW, fun fact, China’s mean term for modern, spinster women defined as unmarried women over age 25 is “Leftover Women” also known as “Leftover Tofu.” Pretty descriptive, huh?
Looking back on some of my favorite authors and their commentary on what it was like to be a woman back in the day, I feel relieved (not blessed) that I grew up in an age where I could have a job, and choose to be a free spinster, an unpaid harlot and a huge, un-charred witch, who lives alone, self-employed, as a single mother to a female dog (Bitch rhymes with witch. Coincidence?) that she got with her ex boyfriend.
Also, this whole issue with the word “feminism” originated while I was having an argument a few weeks ago with a tall-dark-and-handsome, manly man from Tinder that I was happily hooking up with at the time.
So this sexy dude really hated the term “Feminist” (and me calling myself by that word bother him) and said its the equivalent of him going around bragging about being “misogynist” (I soon after stopped seeing him after revelations of not-so-closeted misogyny). At the time, I was a tad surprised that he would actually go there (and also HOW did I NOT swipe left on such a misogynist, instead of being taken in by his Adonis-like, shirtless Tinder pics?).
How can a misogynist be so HANDSOME? So I calmly explained that being a feminist it just about believing deeply in equal rights for everyone. And hoped he wouldn’t continue talking, so I could still see him again. And then I wondered why it was so important for me to be a feminist. Should I be a closeted feminist so as to not trigger Tinder boys into discussions that would inadvertently expose underlying misogyny?
Still in 2020, many women AND men are uncomfortable with the word “Feminist”. In fact, when I was just out of university, I remember my friend’s mom telling her, “You gotta not let things slip, we fought hard to get the rights you have today.” I remember thinking, that’s a little extreme talk, huh, calm down ya man hater. In university, I firmly believed things were equal, that the Women’s Suffrage movement was just a thing for the history books. And then, I joined the workplace, time went on, things happened and then Donald Trump got elected. Then movements like #metoo #timesup happened. I watched Bombshell over the holidays…
My sister Lu, a decade younger than me, was sort of like (paraphrasing):
Stop being so aggressive, Bek, its not attractive and also, why do you have to keep saying you are a “feminist”?
And I understand where she is coming from. But I also hear the words of my friend’s mom in my brain “Don’t let things slip!” I think its important to identify as a “Feminist.” And I do see it, for me personally, as a walking red flag if a man is actually offended by the word, so I went a little further and stuck it on my Tinder profile “Feminist”. And as a person of principles, I had to grudgingly part ways with the handsome misogynist. The final straw was him explaining how he didn’t like The Handmaid’s Tale series even though he had attempted to watch it twice. I had explained that if he watched the entire series he would understand the need for feminism. Irreconcilable differences. Don’t mess with Margaret Atwood, Canada’s one true queen!
So the photo of this article is “The Feminist Activity Book” that my friend Kristina sent me from LA in a birthday parcel. Its hilarious and thoughtful. My girlfriends know I am a feminist and typically send me birthday messages like “Stay angry, bitch” (Serbian Ana). And my straight guy friends know too, they try to be supportive and say cautious, optimistic things like “I think girls can also look good with short hair or shaved heads.”
Anyways, I am just going to end off this “stream of consciousness” (meaning I have not grammar or spell checked) rant with a quote I came across this week, which sums up everything.
Maya Angelou, if you indeed wrote this, I hear you. I am glad that in 2020 being a woman is a lot less of a liability/burden to society. But still, my dear dad still hates the Women’s March (he commented on my Facebook that the Women’s March was discriminating against “Pro Lifers” and wouldn’t let them march, and I calmly explained that the reason is because “Anti Abortionist” are fighting AGAINST women’s rights, so kind of defeating the point of the March) and dad also hates abortion, and with ten kids, he practices what he preaches, gotta hand it to him. Also don’t worry, I’ve already gotten therapy for my daddy issues and Donald Trump’s presidency, among other things.
So, my fellow harlots, (because its only you who would read this far down), let’s, go down. DOWN with the patriarchy….Muhahahaha. Not actually kidding.
